I’ve never experienced heightened emotions tugging me endlessly in various directions consecutively the way I’ve been having them recently. Well, at least not since I was going through the worst ordeal back in high school. Of course, I was a completely different person then. More impulsive, less mature. But I still never expected this.

Siguro tama na. Isasarado ko na muna hanggang sa makita ko na kara pat-dapat pa itong balikan.

It’s really exhausting, and as much as I want to make things turn out okay. Circumstances prove to make me feel otherwise. I don’t want to be angry. I really don’t. I’m not an angry person. Right now, I just want to get a hold of myself once again, and do some efficient channeling.

My best friend, Jazmine, tells me that I have faith in people easily. I do, and I like it that way. I’d also like to keep it that way. People have betrayed me in various ways and levels before, but that didn’t stop me to remain optimistic and positively strong. And when time has finally provided me the healing I need, I look back only to realize that even if I have laid down significant sacrifices, having faith and clinging on to something proves to be worth it at the end.

Changes can be downright frustrating. I don’t want to sound like a million other clichés out there, so I’ll stop. You guys know what I mean. It’s a pain in the ass for someone like me who has detachment problems. I think I’ve gotten better at it though. After everything I’ve been through, I’d like to think I know myself better now.

Spending the day with my best friends, Sarah, Audrey and Jazmine yesterday gave me that much needed support, love, affirmation, strength and distraction. Kilalang-kilala na nila ako. It’s amazing that providing a listening ear and a warm hug was enough. Every thing that they had to say afterwards was just plain gravy. We spent practically the entire day just talking. Sigh. I miss you guys already. Good thing we have a huge project to focus on, and possibly more uhm… interesting schemes to indulge on. hahaha.

Onwards to a less self-absorbed topic.

Two days ago, while I was in the car somewhere in UPD to pick my sister up, I received one of the most devastating news (to add to the consecutive devastations) that gave me goosebumps all over. A friend and classmate for 4 years (CBCD family) in High School was diagnosed with a very serious illness. And probably due to the heightened sensitivity from recent events, my already broken heart just broke even more. Because of this, our class, together with the possible help of our batch, would like to help her and her family out. Our next 4D class reunion next week will finalize everything. I’m really hoping this will all work out. This is going to be a good distraction for me, even if BlueREP and my academics can be enough. I really want to help out.

For now, papers await me. Sheesh. Good luck.