Why did I choose today to suddenly make an attempt to randomly “scribble” something down just to keep this blog semi-alive? I have a class at 11am until 5pm. It’s gonna be an intense day and I feel like I am not even half ready to get through it. Not to mention my StatCon report today.

I can’t even think straight while writing this down because I know I should really go and get dressed up now.

All I can say is that these are troubling times for me. I am struggling not to break down and continue fighting every day. I try to remain optimistic even if it feels so impossible.

I need some sort of cathartic outlet. Hopefully, this blog will be updated once again. And to those who are sick of my law-school babble, I am truly sorry. It’s difficult to burst out of this bubble, and I fear that I will fail if I do.

I. SHOULD. REALLY. GO.

ADDENDUM: On a brighter note, I do have a reason to celebrate. Happy Anniversary to meeeee! :)

So far, law school feels so mechanical. A huge chunk of my life has suddenly been reduced to a routine of endless studying and memorizing. My brain attempts to be a sponge by absorbing massive amounts of information, yet I feel like it fails to do so. My capacity to store information verbatim is not as good as it was back in High School. I struggle occasionally, but I pray that it will eventually improve. Brain cells, work with me!

It feels like ALS ORSEM happened ages ago instead of a month. Law school makes you lose track of time as it traps you in some sort of bubble that you share with yourself, your blockmates and the law. The love-hate relationship assumes an unmatchable force and lately, I can’t help but feel so emotional. Which really just sucks.

There are surprisingly no questions asked wondering why I’m here. I’ve found a personal reason and it is deeply satisfying for now. I am slowly finding my place and adjusting. It’s been okay for the most part.

What ravages through mornings of non-stop studying is some kind of pressure. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this kind of pressure back in High School or College. It’s different now. Grad school makes you feel different. And the people around you makes it feel different.

I’m finding my balance on the way I have viewed the world before and the way studying the law makes me put things into a different perspective. It is refreshing and interesting to reconcile both and find personal clarity amidst all the readings and recits. Let’s just hope that the next few months will continue to be good to me.

Just got back from my trip down south…. way south… as in Mindanao south. Since we go there practically every year, it’s really more like going back home to relax and unwind. One of the good things about the trip was enjoying the sunny weather as opposed to the storms that raged Luzon. Thank God we arrived back here under sunny skies and intense heat. Oh Philippine weather, why must you wreak havoc into our summer lives?

I’m glad to be home though. I’m currently catching up on more than a week’s worth of missed episodes. All throughout my marathons, I kept thinking about law school and the next years ahead. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again that I have reconciled with devoting the 5 years in the pursuit of this dream. Or have I really? BOOO.

I can’t believe that all of a sudden there’s this creeping sense of some unsettling indescribable feeling that bothers me. Go figure. That somehow I fear that I won’t have time for things that I’ve always dreamed of doing before I ‘settle.’ Some kind of bucket list that I’ve always held on to back when I was a wide-eyed teenager thriving for adventure and hungry for big, ambitious, elaborate dreams… Time for traveling, adventures, discoveries – taking the world by storm with people you love! But finally coming on to my early twenties and faced with all sorts of crisis to face and conquer for the rest of my life, the reality sinks in and sometimes the luxuries of life remain ONLY to be momentary dreams.

Maybe I’m just starting to feel quite insecure and envious after hearing and reading about the plans of some people I know as they take a year off to travel, pursue a hidden passion, brave new worlds on their own. Maybe because the next 5 years will limit me somehow. The road ahead of me may not exactly fuel in some wild, impulsive, spontaneous...

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The past week was devoted to adventure, freedom and surprise. I enjoyed my little getaway trip to Baguio with my fellow student-leaders of COA. I have grown absolutely close with them. Our experience throughout the year was life-changing – giving us a fresh perspective, an added push and a much needed sense of clarity. And after all the heartaches, headaches, and stress, we were ready to take advantage of the cool weather and indulge freely. It’s quite baffling how inebriation for college students somehow sums up that momentary kind of freedom, where your senses are wildly disturbed and heightened at the same time. It’s always about the group you are with anyway.

Presently, I have different groups, which I hold very dear to me. Our dynamics are all very different, but the shared experience somehow holds us together beautifully. This particular group, my insanely crazy COA loves is purely one of a kind. Our adventures in Baguio have lives of their own! haha! Too crazy to retell or verbalize. One thing is for sure: I will miss each and everyone of them, as much as I will miss everything about being a student leader and putting all our hearts and minds collectively all for our genuine desire to pursue nation-building. Of course, this will carry on throughout my life.

This week was definitely devoted to a lot of downtime. Fixed my files – computer and those scattered in my room. It was quite a liberating experience to de-clutter and put some tangible finality to the experience of graduating. I was also glad to help out fellow COA people, Magel and Amor for their Blue Roast film project. Throughout the year, my film credits grew! haha. It’s definitely fun. These are just one of the few things that I am glad I have left behind Ateneo. I believe I could not have asked...

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The long weekend was refreshing. It allotted me time to relax and spend on more leisurely activities. I’ve been working very hard since the semester started. And while I feel like the things I’ve somehow started are not even close to what I’m supposed to accomplish in the nearing weeks, I’m taking time to appreciate some of the things that I do tend to overlook such as the nearing holidays.

December comes knocking on my door so fast and somehow catches me off guard. Apart from all the usual darling festivities and holiday cheer I adore, I do have a busy month ahead. Squeezing in Christmas shopping amidst all my holiday projects while I continue to keep my grades up is a challenge I’m going to take. Let’s just hope the positivity manages to keep my spirits high everyday.

I’m trying to be as productive as I can be. While that is quite admirable, I am tempted every time to just stand back and take a breath. I’ve been quite sick a week ago, and it was a wake-up call to my body. Thus, I’ve been sleeping at least 8 hours a day and trying hard not to skip any meals. I’m also doubling up on vitamins when necessary. I can’t be sick, and I also want to live a healthier lifestyle. The result? It does wonders on my skin.

The sun in the early morning is wonderful as it keeps me energized to take on the day ahead. And as nights seem to be longer now that it’s December, I marvel at the Christmas lights and decorations adorning the streets. It leaves me all warm and fuzzy. It makes me crave for bibingka, sweet ham and cranberries every time. Christmas is also the ultimate holiday to be reminded of generosity and love. I feel like I need to share all the love I can with everyone, just because this year has allowed me to meet more people to love and...

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