Going home so late everyday has taken its toll on me. I find myself beyond exhaustion. Fortunately, I haven’t necessarily been sick YET, but once I do arrive home, I am taken by the urge to lie down and sleep. The late nights are not exactly a first for me. I did experience really late, consecutive rehearsals. But it feels very, very different. Rehearsals give me some kind of high. I come home tired, but still pretty much psyched up. This is nothing like that.

I guess it also doesn’t help that I have to wake up in between 5AM-6:30AM everyday. Mostly because my other sister in UP has classes at 7AM. I have gone past the ranting about this because it doesn’t help at all. Early mornings in Ateneo allow me to be productive anyway. Physically, I fear that I’m totally abusing my body and will one day feel the dreaded consequences. Hopefully sooner than later. I cannot risk being sick by the time the hellish month of February approaches.

There are soooo many requirements ahead. I’m not sure if I’m particularly procrastinating or dreading the looming days (and all-nighters) of cramming all the work, but I am getting so nervous about it. I guess this just means I need to particularly iron out my game plan and figure out a way to work within my already busy schedule.

I know a lot of people are raring to graduate already. Senioritis is in its intense level, and all the talk about transitions, jobs, and applications feels both a bit bittersweet and scary at the same time. Wish me luck.

January signals the nearing end of the school year, and the past weeks went by so fast. Now that the cool weather is slowly being replaced by extremely sunny skies, I realize that there’s little time ahead. I can’t help but feel a little lost at times – mostly when it gets overwhelming and all I want to do is put everything into a pause. But no can do. It goes on as always, kind of exhausting and almost fleeting. There are joys in between, and moments to cherish, but to think that we’ve past mid-January fills me with a little bit of anxiety. Still so much to do.

So I try to make the most out of the time I have in Ateneo. I know for a fact that I will miss it extremely. And while I believe I’ve confronted the idea of law school much better now, the teensy weensy little speck of fear is there. It’s only my stepping stone for bigger dreams.

Last weekend, I shot with the team for the Ateneo Recruitment Video. It’s the video that will be shown to the high schools all over Philippines. I was interviewed about org experience and as part of COA. It was a fun day, and I had a blast working with the amazing crew, our director Aaron Palabyab and producer, Armand Sazon. I realized that talking to people is something that I absolutely love doing, and more importantly something I think I could be good at.

I also acted as an extra in Leong Hall (shown above) with my COA friends, Magel and Josh, and as a person holding a meeting. This is my second time to be officially shown in an official Ateneo video! At least, it’s something I get to leave behind and remember. The picture below are clips from the interview itself. Bottom picture is with Saz, Josh and Aaron.

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For the first few days of a new semester, I would normally be describing in detail a few first impressions of my professors or start talking about the new semester ahead. I didn’t realize I would be caught up with all my work for COA and our cluster’s big project for the Ateneo Sesquicentennial year. Not to mention the pressure of finishing the entire yearbook this December. Other things to be added to my long list of assignments are my Law school applications. It can get crazy, especially when you start hitting those frustrating bumps that make you feel quite powerless. Fortunately (and I really don’t know how I do it), even if the panic sinks in, I still end up with enough time for myself.

At this point in my life, I cannot lose sight on a lot of things. And as I go on living the last few months of my undergraduate year, I am somehow reminded by the things that I value, the things that I should value and the things I never realized I valued so much of. The ‘senior-syndrome’ may not have hit me yet, but I’m sure it will. I refuse to be caught up with things that occupy a huge chunk of my life right now without any realization whatsoever that there is no value in it. I’d like to believe that I’ve lived most of my life with enough passion for the things and the people I love. And all the while I’ve invested a part of myself in any of my interests, hobbies, talents, jobs, and even people, I’d like to think I’ve somehow have a better understanding of what I am capable of.

Having a healthy dose of confidence has yet to betray me. I never voluntary invest in things that I know I can only be half-hearted about. But approaching this sort of crossroads in my life leaves me a bit anxious. And I can’t help but be overwhelmed by...

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I’m soooo happy. Jumps up with joy! And to celebrate my return, I’ll put up a new layout during sembreak. If sembreak won’t eat me alive that is.

As for right now, I’m way too preoccupied with school work to blog, but let me just say that I am intensely beyond terrified of the week ahead. This semester has been my lightest sem ever – at least academically speaking. For the most part, I wish I had overloaded at least one more subject to keep my next sem even lighter. I would’ve probably been more academically productive. Contrary to my light scholastic endeavors, everything else proved to be a challenge though.

Of course, I’ve been procrastinating to no end lately – setting aside a lot of work to watch all the episodes I download in a day. How terrible.

The initial schedule I put up is majorly screwed, which means I could be screwed.

God help me.

I usually try to blog about my first few days of school. I meant to write during my first day. But because I end up arriving home at 11PM everyday, pretty much all tired and worn out, I just usually just sleep.

It is a first week unlike no other. It feels like the week is just an extension of the busy summer I had, only with added academic units. I’m pretty thrilled with my academic workload. I’ve also met all my teachers already, and I’m pretty pleased with my decision to take those classes. I’ve already had two of them before, and the other three are very, very interesting. I’m really looking forward to my academic load.

The overwhelming stress and frustration stems mostly from my extra-curricular activities. June is a critical time for me, and the two positions I currently hold require a lot of work. First few days and all the work can be draining.

Rehearsals keep me on my toes. Our choreography is wonderful, but singing the harmonies while doing that is a challenge. I need to develop stamina and endurance. The lack of consistent physical activity has a negative effect on that. I almost forgot that a musical (especially a dance-heavy musical) is a great form of exercise. haha. The show is coming along, and I’m very excited about it.

It’s crazy how my senior year has truly made me turn a 180. I’ve never had this much extra work before, and juggling everything can be both exciting and fulfilling. Despite all my non-academic endeavors, I can still manage to have time for my friends and family. Hopefully, I will find time for myself soon.

This year can be something great for me. I really don’t want to screw it up.