I think in my last post, I mentioned how fast I wanted February to be. Now it’s about to end I feel like it really did went by like a blur. This month, school has been pretty steady enough to accomodate all the long weekends, a couple of free-cuts and some extra-curricular events. I am grateful for all the “extra time”, but law school is pretty deceiving – such that when it rains, it pours. But the balance is good. I find myself feeling more comfortable with my schedule and enjoying being with all the wonderful people I’m sharing this experience with. The constant adjustment is a reality we all live through in law school. But some of our professors have been pretty awesome to continue reminding and inspiring us about what this road we chose to tred is like.

Law school is about endurance, resiliency and attitude. Somehow, those three things coming from one of our professors resonate within me. (Actually, he just mentioned that yesterday.)

We just finished one semester and all are still struggling to finish this one. It’s a day-to-day kind of challenge without losing sight of the big picture. I think that my consolation amidst all these stems from the fact that I truly acknowledge how valuable and important this experience is. I still find it amazing that somewhere in the middle of a lecture, I just get goosebumps over the sheer brilliance of thought, subject and purpose. My professors in their respectfully stern yet charming ways give meaning and substance to something as wildly mundane and could-be-boring-as-hell topic of law and share it with so much passion and reverence. I just think that’s absolutely wonderful. And those are moments when I seriously believe that I could not see myself anywhere else. I want to be able to do that in the future. Change lives. Add meaning and color. My professor terms this yearning as ‘intellectual fulfillment.’ And I think that phrase speaks volumes...

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Back in college, weekends feel like an extension of the weekday. It’s like an extra day to rehearse for a play, attend a required school event or meet with your groupmates to discuss some school-related group work. There’s no need to make an effort to ‘make the most out of the weekend.’

Apparently, after you graduate, weekends become far more precious. There’s actually some effort into celebrating and doing all the other extra things you couldn’t do during the weekday. Such sentiment is not only for those who are slaves to the working class, but is shared fondly by law students alike. We lead pretty much predictable – yet ridiculously expensive lives lounging around the Rockwell perimeter. During weekends, if people aren’t studying, watching movies or eating and drinking, they’re off to some spontaneous trip somewhere. My blockmates have watched 5 out of the 6 movies in Powerplant already. Such a great way to de-stress. Everyone’s looking forward to the change of movies soon!

The effort of setting up weekend dinners with my closest friends ends up to be one of those pre-weekend events we all look forward to. Last night, we were all talking about our little brothers and sisters celebrating their own weekend with parties, debuts and their blooming social lives that hardly resembled ours back then. I mean I still get a little uncomfortable to hear my 17-year old sister open up to me about her own issues with boys and life in general. The minute I feel like a teensy bit old, the reality of the next few years of my life mapped out till I turn 26 sinks in and I realize how I still have so much to strive hard for. But it’s okay, I’ve reconciled with that fact already. According to one of my professors in law school during his most inspiring talk about most of the Ateneo Law School graduates, one needs to be a visionary. To look ahead. To be driven...

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Nor can I just let go of this place. :( I used to find joy reading my old posts and feeling both shame and triumph over reminiscing through the good/bad/maybe-ugly ol’ days.

Failing to ‘document’ or write about law school here sinks deep and drowns beneath pools of regret. The experience of starting this new venture and going through all the inexplicable emotions of being a first year law student in Ateneo should be THE EXPERIENCE worth rambling about for the world to care even less. Mostly, it is totally regretful in my part that I won’t be able to have anything here for purposes of nostalgia.

And so that will have to change.

My life may have dramatically changed over the past few months, but I leave no room for excuses to stop being able to express myself. Especially now.

In this little bubble, I continue to study, struggle and learn everyday. Perhaps it can be said that the experience can only be fully understood by those who tread the same paths. I feel like a different person everyday and the mere thought of such renders me both excited and troubled. Albeit how corny I may sound: I do feel like I am more in touched with the world and reality as I try to learn more about the law. I grow with it, with the statusquo, with the people around me and with my ambitions and dreams.

My professors always say that knowledge of the law is incredibly powerful. You know it when you start learning, and you believe in it, once you see it at work. The experience might be disheartening to some, but the overwhelming feeling of understanding its purpose is enough to make me realize that it really could be all worth it.

Off to continue studying for our midterms now. It’s going to be a two whole weeks of intense studying. Please pray for all of us!

Why did I choose today to suddenly make an attempt to randomly “scribble” something down just to keep this blog semi-alive? I have a class at 11am until 5pm. It’s gonna be an intense day and I feel like I am not even half ready to get through it. Not to mention my StatCon report today.

I can’t even think straight while writing this down because I know I should really go and get dressed up now.

All I can say is that these are troubling times for me. I am struggling not to break down and continue fighting every day. I try to remain optimistic even if it feels so impossible.

I need some sort of cathartic outlet. Hopefully, this blog will be updated once again. And to those who are sick of my law-school babble, I am truly sorry. It’s difficult to burst out of this bubble, and I fear that I will fail if I do.

I. SHOULD. REALLY. GO.

ADDENDUM: On a brighter note, I do have a reason to celebrate. Happy Anniversary to meeeee! :)